tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-31905034.post8491976511162565448..comments2023-10-29T05:11:32.345-04:00Comments on Confessions of a Paranoid Parent: SecondaryParanoidhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15941403343831583259noreply@blogger.comBlogger3125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-31905034.post-16727280297978270192008-03-31T21:25:00.000-04:002008-03-31T21:25:00.000-04:00Oh sweetie - I have been away and am catching up w...Oh sweetie - I have been away and am catching up with your pain and I am so sorry. Deeply deeply sorry. The only bright spot I can offer is this: my cousin's boys are 12 years apart. I kid you not. and they are so adorable and sweet and loving together and they totally enjoy each other. Theirs is such a special relationship. She didn't plan it to be that way, it just happened that way (I suspect various fertility issues that run in my family and are why I have twins, but that's my own wild speculation). So yes close in age is wonderful - I thank God every day mine are 11 minutes apart, even when they are killing each other and making me crazy - but 12 years can work, too. And my sister wanted dozens but diabetes limited her to 1. My nephew is a wonderful, well adjusted, fabulous child (26 years old) who has a better sense of family and devotion and love for his extended family than his 3 cousins who are siblings to one another. The "only child" is so much more loving and selfless than the 3 siblings/kids, it is amazing. It's almost like he's everyone's (every cousin's) sibling. <BR/><BR/>All that said, I'm not trying to belitle your pain or your sadness. It sucks. Truly deeply sucks. And I'm sorry.mehhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/04128716136200049390noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-31905034.post-106503033678398202008-03-29T14:20:00.000-04:002008-03-29T14:20:00.000-04:00I think it's human nature to look at people who ha...I think it's human nature to look at people who have things better than us with a jaundiced eye. I know for sure I've caught myself doing it, too. <BR/><BR/>I'm forever reminding myself that pain is pain, and that just because someone else's experience seems less "painful" than my own, it doesn't mean they don't have a right to cry or to grieve or to talk about it.<BR/><BR/>Thanks, by the way, for your kind words. It's nice to know that my self-obsessed ramblings aren't just lying there pissing people off. :-)Paranoidhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/15941403343831583259noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-31905034.post-2463021452511891842008-03-27T22:19:00.000-04:002008-03-27T22:19:00.000-04:00I have to tell you that one of the reasons I reall...I have to tell you that one of the reasons I really enjoy reading your blog is that it gives me the perspective and voice of someone dealing with secondary infertility. Your blog makes me understand that the pain - although different than mine - is still just as terrible and crippling. I want to thank you for that. <BR/><BR/>I am very ashamed to admit that there was a time that I didn't have a lot of sympathy for women going through secondary infertility - they already have a child (or more), I have none. I knew that this was a wrong-headed thought and that I was having it because I was ignorant of secondary infertility and the pain, but I was an elitist with primary infertility. You have really helped me understand the very real pain that comes with secondary infertility. <BR/><BR/>And, don't question your right to use the label of "infertile". Infertility comes in all forms. It just adds unnecessary stress to question whether you have the right to use a label. And, I can understand the anxiety about the age difference between siblings. I will tell you that Sweetie and his brother are about 2 years apart and they fought like cats and dogs. I suspect it was because they were so close in age. You just can't worry about it - what will be will be. And, as an only child, it can be very fulfilling even without siblings. I know that M's questions about siblings hurt you more because you are trying so hard to have another child, but she's not asking for that reason and you just have to recognize that we can't always have what we thought we were going to have when we are going to have it. I've spent the last three years learning this lesson. <BR/><BR/>Hang in there and give M a big hug, just because.Mrs.Xhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/03810703338888705439noreply@blogger.com