Friday, February 09, 2007

Only 16 years and 10 months left...

I have a problem. I'm completely burnt out. Today, I seriously considered selling the Cheeto for $10 to a passing stranger at BJs. Fortunately, the stranger didn't have any cash on her, otherwise, I swear I'da done it.

In my defense, the kid had been screaming for about 20 minutes, and we were just about to enter the checkout line when I noticed she's jettsioned one of her shoes at some point. So we spent the next half hour tracing and re-tracing our steps around the store searching in vain for it, with the kid still screaming all the while. Mother Theresa would have considered a little human trafficking at that point.

In all seriousness, though, I am having trouble here. I just don't seem to have any patience for the normal toddler stuff that the Cheeto has been pulling. I find myself wanting to say terrible things to her, and at times the only thing stopping me is the fact that she's a great mimic. Somehow, I think matters would get worse if my kid all of a sudden started spouting phrases like "fucking brat." Even worse, I find myself overcome all too often with a nearly irresistable urge to smack her in the face. It scares me so much to think that I want to do such a thing to a tiny little kid, and I can't even imagine what would happen if I actually did it.

I don't know what to do. I know how harmful it will be to the baby if I can't control myself -- my entire childhood is a testament to that. And it kills me that I know better than to do these things, and yet I really, really want to anyway. For the moment, I'm just praying that this is all residual hormones from the pregnancy, and that I'll be back to human again soon. Otherwise, I need to get some outside help. Because this just can't be happening.

4 comments:

Jennifer said...
This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.
Paranoid said...

Thanks, Jennifer. That's amazingly kind of you.

Paranoid said...

Hi again, Jen. Just wanted to let you know that on further thought, I removed your comment. It's not because I have any problem with you, I was just worried about your private information being available in a public foum. I am, after all, Paranoid.

Thanks again, though.

Jennifer said...

you did keep it before you removed it right? Seriously. I'm struggling too (not with the same thing as you), but I know how hard life can feel. Let me know if you need to talk.