I took M to the library for the first time this week. She had a great time -- I guided her to the board books, and she promptly pulled one out, plopped down on the ground and proceeded to "read." I wish I'd had my video camera.
It was such a joy introducing my daughter to the library. In fact, life with M these days is full of all sorts of joy. She's growing so fast, it seems like she's a new child every day. This week, she learned how to go down the little slide at the neighborhood playground all by herself. She climbs the steps, makes her way over to the top of the slide, sits down and pushes off, all perfectly, as if she'd been doing it her whole life. And I look on, wondering where the heck this little kid came from all of a sudden, when I swear she was a baby just a moment ago.
I have to say, I like this kid. I love watching her march around, exploring her world. I love that she seems to have a dog-sensing radar, and if there's one anywhere in the vicinity, she starts barking. I also love that, as brave as she is, as soon as the dog gets close to her, she starts to cry and wants to be cuddled. Not that I'm happy she's crying, or that she's scared of dogs, but it's kind of nice to know she isn't completely without fear.
M is also going through a big mommy phase right now. No matter how far she roams, she always looks back to make sure Mommy's watching, and she wants to cuddle and nurse even more than she did before. When she nurses, she's taken to grabbing a big handful of my hair and cuddling it to her face like a blankie, a move that I find both touching and heartbreaking. It's scary to know how important I am to her. I want to say "no, baby. Don't love me that much. Don't need me. " I am so not the person she seems to think I am, and I hate the thought of how she'll feel when she figures that out. In the meantime, I am trying hard to be a person who deserves the love she has to give. I figure it's the least I can do for my adorable, intrepid, sweet little girl.