Doing Better

We're doing a lot better over here. After three days of crying and whining and WHY ME-ing, I think I'm starting to get some perspective. I went in to see my OB today because one of my stitches had popped, and she was really, really helpful. She went over the photos of my innards with me in great detail, showing me the not-at-all-normal pool of blood in which my uterus had been swimming (have I mentioned how lucky I am that I went to the ER when I did?), where the baby was, and what's up with the remaining fallopian tube. We still don't know exactly why I'm all scarred and twisted in there, but I'm starting to suspect it's a fluke from my c-section. Dr. M. showed me photos of some other scarring I have on my bladder as a result of the C-section, and even though she says she's never seen a fallopian tube scarred by that surgery, the way it's scarred makes me thing that's at least a plausible cause.

I have an appointment with a fertility specialist tomorrow. I'm hoping that he'll tell me either (a) that my right tube is ugly, but perfectly functional, or (b) that it's messed up, but in a fixable way. Scenario (c) is that it's simply too messed up to be fixed, and we'll have to do IVF if we want another child.

Clearly, (c) is the least desirable option. For one thing, it's expensive. For another, IVF involves lots and lots of self-administered shots, and I am phobic of needles. For a third, my research on the internet indicates that some doctors won't do IVF on fat chicks. If that's the case, and I have to lose weight before having another baby, I can pretty much guarantee M will be in kindergarten before we have a second. I am horrible at losing weight (this is me, remember? I GAINED 20 pounds on Weight Watchers).

For now, though, we are focusing on hope and positivity. No sense in borrowing more trouble until I have to. Wish us luck!