Denial

I think I've slipped into psychosis. I've been reading everything I can get my hands on about ectopic pregnancy, which, on the internet, means finding all sorts of great, weird anecdotes. At least a few recount how the woman in question has an ectopic, goes about her life and believing everything to be over, only to learn weeks later that she is still, in fact, pregnant because someone missed the fetus in her uterus.

So of course, there's a tiny little bit of me that thinks I'm still pregnant. It's the crazy part, and I acknowledge this, but it's still a nice little fantasy. And it's so easy to believe, too! I only have to think that my ultrasound tech was a complete incompetent and ignore the complete disappearance of any pregnancy symptoms, as well as the copious amounts of blood that my body jettisoned in the aftermath of my surgery.

On the "sure, it's possible" side, I'm still chock full o' pregnancy hormones, according to the test I took yesterday. Plus (totally rational reason ahead!!), I've been dreaming about the baby a lot. So of course that means I'm still pregnant, right? Why, I'll bet President Al Gore himself will agree with me when he visits me at my mansion with the four-car garage, in-ground pool and full-time housekeeper.

(hey, as long as I'm living in a fantasy world, I may as well go for broke).