The good news is, my sister's ok (physically, at least). She swallowed a bottle of sleeping pills, but thankfully realized as she started getting sleepy that she really didn't want to die after all. So that's good, I guess.
I went up on Saturday, first flight out in the morning, last flight home at night. It's awful -- she's stuck in the er at a kind of crummy-looking hospital, just sitting there until a bed opens up, possibly today. So yeah, three days of sitting in a waiting room, staring at the walls. How very therapeutic.
At some point, I'm going to need to talk to someone about all this. Right now, I'm just struggling with the feeling that I should be there, even if it's just to stare at the walls together. But see, there are these kids, one of whom doesn't take a bottle and is still nursing. It's a catch-22. I can't take E to the hospital, but I can't really leave her, either. So I'm stuck with daytrips when I can arrange babysitting, and even those I'm hoping don't leave E to wean early. And then I feel guilty that I'm thinking about things like that when my sister is going through hell. I should be dropping everything to be there, doing whatever it takes, right?
I don't know. I'm a mess right now. (a thoroughly non-suicidal mess, just in case anyone thinks that I'm sounding worse than I am.) I hope that once we figure out where she's going to be long term, things will get clearer and easier.
Blogs I Read
- A Very Open Book
- Amalah
- Are We There Yet?
- Ask Moxie
- Candy Addict
- Candy Blog
- Delush
- From the Peanut Gallery
- Himes Gang
- How to get from O to pregnant in 365 easy steps
- Life's Bright Chaos
- Lost and Found Connections
- Parent Hacks
- SAHM Ramblings
- Southern Suds and Lather
- The Stirrup Queen's Completely Anal List of Blogs that Proves She Really Missed Her Calling as a Personal Organizer
- The Young and the Infertile
Blog Archive
About Me
- Paranoid
- This didn't start out as an infertility blog. I had my daughter, M, in 2005. Totally easy conception and pregnancy. We started trying for another child in August 2006, figuring we'd have no problems. And here's what happened: 10/06 -- BFP! 12/06 -- First ultrasound -- Twins! Unfortunately, one was already dead. 1/07 -- Other twin dead, D&C. 4/07 -- BFP! 6/07 -- Horrible cramps, ER visit, laparoscopic surgery to remove ectopic pregnancy and left fallopian tube. 10/07 -- Clomid cycle (just in case), BFN. 12/07 -- Enough of this trying crap. Bring on the IVF! 1/08 -- Add "poor ovarian reserve" to the mix! 2/08 -- Oh, and also, probable poor responder. Whoopie! 3/08 -- First IVF. Successful in every way except for actually getting me pregnant (plenty of eggs, plenty of blasts, but BFN). 5/08 -- FET cycle. Positive! If all goes well, we'll be having a baby in February 2009.
7 comments:
It's devastating when someone close to you feels so very down. It happened to us some years ago. I suppose we couldn't help blaming ourselves initially for part of it .. what if .. In the end though it is a cry for help and hopefully when your sister comes round properly she can talk about what is upsetting her and you can see if help can be obtained. Sometimes it's an age thing - people at certain ages are very pre-occupied with themselves or convinced that everyone else's life is better than theirs. I hope it works out for you all, particularly juggling with children.
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